reminiscing

Remember when I used to post? Wasn't that nice?

I've got excuses, but I don't know what the reasons are. The words just won't come these days. I have things to say, but so many of them are beyond my ability to express.

Pukka's back is f-ed up beyond belief. For the last month or six weeks or so, it's been questionable on any given day whether or not he'll actually make it to work. It's screwing with our relationship. It's hard to see him in pain and be unable to do anything about it. It's been stressful worrying about money. Although we've got enough savings for now, it's not going to last indefinitely. So much time wasted dealing with doctors and insurance and bills. I'm tired of it -- tired of putting a good face on things, tired of handling the house on my own, tired of not knowing when it will ever end.

Work's a challenge. It's good for me to be in charge of something more than Pukka and the kitties, but it is a stressor. So many crises every day, so much politics to play. But at the same time it's good -- almost every day I'm called to find my assertive voice and use it, and that's definitely some practice I could use.

So yeah, I don't know. Maybe I'll just write regardless, which is pretty much what you got today. Not everything has to be pretty, yeah?

In the meantime, I think I'm going to go to the store and get some new cabinet hardware. I need a project that can be done with minimal fuss so that I can feel like I've accomplished something.